Random Humorous Yu-Gi-Oh! Oneshots
by YouLoveMyUsername
Summary: Just a series of short funny stories. Contains both the original Yu-Gi-Oh! and Yu-Gi-Oh! GX
1. Valon's Safari

A/N I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or its characters. Any incorrect grammar or intense use of capital letters in this fanfiction is intended for humor only.

Valon was on a safari. He skipped along the yellow road, yelling at random pigeons. The Australian farted, which was the natural call that wild Wheelers used to alert others of food. Only complex-minded humans could know such secrets.

"Wheeeeeler!" Valon yelled, his camera ready for the creature. Joey Wheeler walked out of the bushes, barking like mad. "Bad cat! Bad!" Valon screamed. "I thought we were supposed to be dueling, Wheeler! Yunno, for Mai and all!" he managed to say as he dodged the pineapples that Joey was throwing.

"YA BRAINWASHED HER!" Joey roared at the top of his lungs, which were made out of plastic.

"We didn't brainwash her, mate!" Valon tried to defend himself with his words, "We only dishwashed her!" at once Joey stopped attacking him and burst into tears.

"THAT'S SO POETIC VALON!" he cried.

''Eres my chance!' Valon thought. He pulled out his camera, which had turned green out of nausia from being kept in Valon's never-cleaned-out-pocket, and he shot a picture of Wheeler. Joey fell backwards and screamed at the top of his plastic lungs. As pink milk instead of blood trickled out his mouth and out of his pink cuts, he stared in horror as Valon walked towards him.

"How.. could.. You.." Joey hissed.

"What?" the Australian said in his adorable voice while tilting his head upside down with a crack sound.

"You.. shot.. Me.." Wheeler whispered.

"YOU SHOT MEEEE!" he sprouted wings and zoomed into the sky, tears of nurse joys falling from his eyes. He then got ran over by a cloud and wasn't seen again for fifteen months.

"At least I've got Mai…" Valon smiled as he slowly sliced a tomato. Mai appeared behind him and grew about 50 times her original size, then started speaking italian."NOT ITALIAN! NOOOO!" Valon cried into his motorcycle. "I'M MELTINGGGG!" and with that, Valon melted. The End.

*Disclaimer, no Valons, Joeys, clouds, Mais, cameras, pink milk, Australians or Italians were hurt in the making of this fanfiction.


	2. Aster's Baby

A/N I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or its characters. Any incorrect grammar or intense use of capital letters in this fanfiction is intended for humor only. Oh, and I'll be using the dub names in this one. In a serious fanfic, I'd use their Japanese names.

Zane sat on a nearby log because he felt like it. Aster trotted over to him, bouncing for no reason.

"Hey Zane!" Aster smiled sickeningly.

"..." Zane whispered.

"WHAT?" Aster ate a cheeto in question.

"..." the blue-headed man facepalmed.

"DID YOU KNOW IT'S MY BIRRRRTHDAY TODAY?" Aster set a flower on fire like an emo mysterious person and then handed Zane a megaphone attached to an amp.

"I did know, are you surprised?" Zane smiled at his friend that worked with him to kick the butts of many random goblins.

"Awww I wouldn't think any less of my BEST FRIEND!" Aster Phoenix hugged Zane so tight that he barfed out hair dye. "THAT'S TALENT RIGHT THERE!" Aster yelled, pointing to the barf.

"I got you presents." Zane whispered, his eyes turning into eggs for a second.

"DIDYA? Awww you didn't have to do that.." said Aster as he mowed his lawn with a leg shaver.

"Here." Zane handed him cold medicine and hearing aid. "Now you can hear me and have a normal voice." Zane blinked with his feet.

"Sorry Zane, I'm ALLERGIC TO HEARING AID!" Aster screamed and then swallowed the hearing aid and stuck the cold medicine in his ears. Zane ate a pretzel that was the shape of Alexis.

"YOU IDIOT!" the pretzel screamed, running off to be with Jaden. Zane turned to Aster, who was on hands and knees, silent.

"Zane.." he cried.

"What's wrong? Are you having a midlife crisis?" he ran over to his friend.

"You know I told you about how I'm married to a window?" Aster combed his hair.

"No, whatever." Zane shrugged, beating up a grasshopper by mistake and grieving over it internally.

"Z-Zane. I should've told you… I'm.. I'm pregnant.. You're an uncle.." Aster suddenly had what he thought was a gazillion pregnancy cravings such as ham and oatmeal, lima beans and plums, and white chocolate and trout.

Zane screamed as Aster gave birth to a Ramen Cup out of his mouth. "IT'S A BOY!" Aster yelled, cradling the food in his arms. And that's how the Ramen Cup was born.


	3. Bastion's Pity

A/N I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or its characters. Any incorrect grammar or intense use of capital letters in this fanfiction is intended for humor only. Oh, and I'll be using the dub names in this one. In a serious fanfic, I'd use their Japanese names.

Bastion had just gotten married to Tania only 8 months ago and she was already hard to please. Then again, she was pregnant apparently.

"STOP THINKING!" the amazoness yelled, turning into a tiger and bowling Bastion over with her paw before turning back.

"But all my friends at the Duel Monsters Husbands Club are allowed to think!" Bastion complained.

"GO HUNT!" Tania turned back into her tiger form and chased him off into the woods.

"Uuuuggghhh whyyyy did I marry a tiger?" the british-if-you-are-watching-the-dub man spoke. He looked around for something to hunt, and spotted a grasshopper. "Prepare to be hunted, killed, cooked, and eaten by my overly pregnant tiger wife!" Bastion announced.

"No! Please don't eat me! I just came from the other fanfiction where Zane beat me up and grieved internally!" the grasshopper begged.

"Ah hah! You've seen my friends? How are they?" he crouched down beside the insect.

"Aster gave birth!" the grasshopper turned into a dolphin and swam in the air.

"How nice!" Bastion exclaimed, then stabbed the dolphin with a leaf, finishing it off. Bastion was so proud of himself, he cried a tear of joy, but then stared at the tear with horror. "A SIGN OF WEAKNESS!" he flicked the tear onto the ground and stomped on it fifteen times, then slapped it with the dead grasshopper-dolphin.

"Did you hear that? A tear calling for help!" Three Kuribohs came out of the bushes.

"And what do you expect to do about it you watermelons?!" Bastion called out in frustration. They suddenly morphed into three Ancient Fairy Dragons, all wearing 'Tear Appreciation Club' badges. Bastion just about peed himself. He fell down as the dragons circled him. "This wouldn't have happened if I just married a window like Aster.." Bastion cried.

"I SMELL TEARS!" human-form Tania appeared, blowing up the dragons with her laser eyes.

"Tania! You saved me!" Bastion dragged the dolphin behind him and hugged Tania. "I even caught this!" he farted in happiness.

"BASTION I HAVE THIRTY-SEVEN STOMACHS, I NEED MORE!" she yelled.

"You can eat me if you want." Bastion shrugged.

"Kk thx so much misa-poo ur the best." Tania thanked him then eatted him right away. The end.


	4. Alister's Struggle

A/N I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or its characters. Any incorrect grammar or intense use of capital letters in this fanfiction is intended for humor only. Oh, and I'll be using the dub names in this one. In a serious fanfic, I'd use their Japanese names.

Alister yawned and blinked his eyes open, only to see nothing but darkness."Again?" he mumbled as he stood up and started banging on the cupboard door.

"Raf! Rafael!" Alister called. "RAFAEL COME LET ME OUT YOU DODO!" he screamed hitting his head against the door. Moments later the door opened, revealing a brown-haired Australian.

"Alister, what d'ya think you're doing in this cupboard, mate?" he questioned his 'friend'.

"I was sleepwalking okay?" Alister picked up the cupboard and threw it out the window, breaking most of the wall while doing so.

"Alister!" Dartz's voice sounded. Alister sighed but turned to see Valon smirking.

"You're in trouble!" he taunted, pointing at him. Alister glared at Valon.

"Just wait until Dartz finds out you're stealing all the toilet paper to make a life sized replica of Mai." Alister laughed.

"Dartz doesn't know a thing about where the toilet paper is going, he just thinks that Rafael must be using it all." the Australian told him.

"Well what if I were to tell him, huh? It's disgraceful, after all, wasting your time on her when you could be out there capturing souls." Alister scoffed.

"You wouldn't dare." Valon was suddenly serious.

"I would." Alister realised that Valon was smirking again.

"Have a nice trip, mate." and with that, Alister was suddenly pushed out the broken wall and into the ocean by Valon. He struggled and tried to swim back up, but something was dragging him deeper into the water. Alister turned to see Seto Kaiba in scuba gear pulling his trench coat.

"Kaiba!" Alister yelled, forgetting that he should hold his breath. He then fainted and had dreams of going on a super secret mission to sneak into KaibaCorp and steal all of Kaiba's krispy kreme doughnuts. Alister then awoke to find himself on the ground at a playpark. There was a little girl standing next to him, looking at him with amazement.

""MOMMY I FOUND A PRINCESS!" she yelled.

"I'M A BOY!" Alister yelled, several parents turning to him angrily. Before he was chased out of the park by an angry mob, Bakura, a small boy who for some reason didn't appear in season 4, grabbed him and helped him escape. "Who're you?" Alister scoffed.

"I'm Bakura, we share a voice actor and everyone thinks we're girlish." the boy smiled. "Let's go have a tea party to cheer you up." Bakura suggested.

"Fine…" Alister and Bakura then went and had a tea party, talking about how they are underappreciated. The end.


End file.
